1.) Dumb-ass sitting next to me whispers (loudly) to girlfriend/date/fellow teeny-bopper – “I hate to say this, but I think “this” is going to happen.”
Proceeds to tell her what he thinks is going to happen —-> 15 minutes later, said thing happens (which was obvious). Whispers (loudly) to girlfriend/date/fellow teeny-bopper – “Yep, I called it!” (Mentally, I stood and gave him an ovation)
2.) Every single night-time scene in the movie – Audience stirs and mumble nervous jargon to one another. Whispers echo throughout the movie theater in 7.1 surround sound:
I thought everyone would embrace the night scenes instead of dread them, defeats the purpose of film. What the hell did you expect!?
4.) Silent, ambient moment in the film —-> Some jerk – “Boo!” (he and friends chuckle as if it were funny) I clench my fists, close my eyes and take a deep breath!
5.) After “Night #5″ in film, various establishing shots of cameras setup throughout the house/property are shown for, you guessed it, the fifth time. Again, dumb-ass sitting next to me whispers – “Yeah, yeah, we know you have a front door! Yes, we know you have a pool. Let me guess, kitchen? (kitchen shown on screen and he lifts his arms up in frustration and shakes his head) See, I knew it!” (Mentally, I toss an imaginary grenade in his direction!)
6.) Silent moment in film —-> Aforementioned jerk yells, “Oh yeah!” in his best Pauly D. (Jersey Shore) impression [he and his friends chuckle]
7.) Jump scare moment —–> Girl seated in front of me is so “jolted” that she presses her seat back violently and into my knees! I bite my tongue. She doesn’t turn around to apologize, instead she giggles with her tweeny friends!
8.) Silent Moment in film —-> Again, jerk in the back of the theater shouts, “Boo!” A good Samaritan shouts, “Not funny!” Tween girlfriend responds with, “Yes it was!” (friends chuckle)
9.) Film concludes, FADE TO BLACK. Audience is left in darkness for what seems like a few minutes – 7.1 Surround Sound again form the audience:
Of course, nothing happens! ROLL CREDITS!!
I’d like to personally thank the “Tweens” of Poughkeepsie, NY for nearly ruining the movie experience for me. Good job guys and gals!